Basically what happened is I went out tonight with Amy, Stephen and Eugene to watch Joker. Before tonight, I had been consistently coming home past 11 pm or not coming home at all so my mum was quite unhappy with me. For the past few weeks, I had also been sleeping over at other people's houses at least two times a week..... and saying it had been a mixture of Diana, Niina and Amy but really it was just Diana.
really brought this upon myself didn't I
Narrator: She did not head home soon.
Drove my ass to Diana's faster than you can say whipped. I wanted to sleep over again so thought I would do the rational, logical thing and call my mum to tell her I was staying over at Amy's "as the gang were playing board games late".
She DID NOT BUY IT holy fuck she asked me to pass the phone to Amy and I said, "nah she's playing board games she can't talk". Literally dug my own grave because she became even more suspicious and started yelling at me, "YOU BETTER NOT BE SLEEPING OVER AT DIANA'S HOUSE. Why are you always spending time at random people's houses these days. I'M GOING TO CALL AMY'S MUM TOMORROW MORNING."
Amy's mum 100% wouldn't lie for my ass
Talked to Diana and messaged Amy and decided the best course of action was to go home with my penis (tail) between my legs.
So now I'm home, my mum 100% knows I'm back because my dad had to come downstairs to undo the door chain for me, but I haven't seen her. She's upstairs watching her asian dramas before she goes to bed and I'm legitimately not going upstairs to my bedroom UNTIL SHE FALLS ASLEEP. I'm actually scared of her right now I keep imagining her storming down the stairs and slapping the shit out of me. Fuck I am actually scared of my mother.
Just an overall big sad because my two options are:
- Tell her that I'm seeing Diana.
Best Case: She's totally accepting, allows me to see Diana (but without sleepovers duh), is happy for me and we all live peaceful lives.
Worst Case: she forces me to stop seeing Diana and if I disagree, I get disowned / kicked out of the house. I think the second is more likely. - Continue seeing Diana in secret
Best Case: I limit contact so I get home at reasonable hours which means spending less time with Diana :(
Worst Case: my mum continues getting more and more suspicious which means I have to lie to her EVEN MORE than I already am leading to more stress for me, degradation of me and mum's relationship which is already shit and just fucking surviving off lies which will actually drive me insane
My coping mechanism right now is just turning this whole thing into a joke and laughing at how unfortunate I am but also I don't want have so much self-pity because really, people actually do get kicked out and shit, at least I have a roof over my head and food in my belly
I think my mum finally stopped watching her Asian dramas and I can finally go back up and sleep. Going to get 6 hours of sleep at this rate. It's funny because she was only super mad tonight because she knew I had to go work early tomorrow and didn't like that I was staying up late at Amy's.
As a kid my mother always yelled at me for talking back and I wonder now if that's what makes me so scared of confrontation and disagreeing with people? I like listening to murder podcasts and hearing how the childhood of the murderers shape who they eventually become and before around Year 12, I genuinely thought I had a good childhood. But looking back now, I cried over getting 92% for a math test one time because I was scared of my mum punishing me for not coming first. I was genuinely terrified during parent teacher interviews because if my teachers said anything negative about me my parents would yell at me about it in the car and I'd start crying.
All of this could be bullshit and I might just be finding excuses for my fucked up personality and bad daughter behaviour right now so........ xD
As a kid my mother always yelled at me for talking back and I wonder now if that's what makes me so scared of confrontation and disagreeing with people? I like listening to murder podcasts and hearing how the childhood of the murderers shape who they eventually become and before around Year 12, I genuinely thought I had a good childhood. But looking back now, I cried over getting 92% for a math test one time because I was scared of my mum punishing me for not coming first. I was genuinely terrified during parent teacher interviews because if my teachers said anything negative about me my parents would yell at me about it in the car and I'd start crying.
All of this could be bullshit and I might just be finding excuses for my fucked up personality and bad daughter behaviour right now so........ xD
On a side note, Joker was heckin good, would highly recommend!!!!!
peace out
peace out
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