I don't need your love

GUYS PLEASE WATCH THE VID I'M ACTUALLY SO PROUD TO BE IN WIESOC THIS YEAR!!!! ALSO IM IN IT FOR A SOLID 3 SECONDS DOING WEIRD SHIT WITH MY HANDS

Yesterday

I need to blog more about stuff that I find on the internet because I realise I don't do that anymore.

Woke up feeling like a zombie, went to morning anat seminar, boring af mman tute, studied for a bit with Niina outside Ainsworth until my laptop ran outta batts, had a spinach and feta pide, skipped BESS coffee meet n greet because ceebs walking all the way up to AGSM, went to Arc storeroom to help Niina and Viv inventory our WIESoc stuff, went to anatomy lab where I got taught by Mathew Chu from VSA who is actually such a good teacher even though his pace could be faster, got my portable off Niina who stole it and now I'm sitting in an empty lecture room with a random guy who is gaming on his laptop.

I haven't done a dnm blog post in a bajillion years because no. 1 I feel like acknowledging my thoughts isn't good for me sometimes and no. 2 I realise its probably classified as TMI. I miss lazing around at home and watching movies all day which I did first sem last year but I'm way too busy this sem for that anymore :( So much shiet to do I cry everyday. I really don't get mechanics atm as well which makes me feel worse.

Today

Are you ready for a literal essay?

also yeah I wrote this on word because I had no phone and no net on the train

VSA State Meeting/Bonding

First bonding so triggered HAHAHHA jokes it was ok

I had like ptsd flashbacks of when I first started VSA because our first inaugural meeting was exactly ONE year ago and I feel so comfortable with most of them now. It’s also really sad how today was VSA UNSW team’s inaugural meeting as well. Legit this morning woke up to so many 1 year friendversary things on FB because we all added each other after inaugural. Saw on snap that Selina (top UNSW IVP) organised so many lit activities for them like fire noodle challenge and skittle getting to know you stuff. Last year, our inaugural was sooooo awkward. Or at least I felt it was awkward. 

I remember how nervous I was last year when I met all the VSA people for the first time because I was super insecure and hadn’t socialised with new people in ages. I feel like I’ve improved in that aspect SLIGHTLY since then because if I’m ever feeling awkward I don’t beat myself up for it. I just accept that sometimes I don’t click with everyone. But yeah so sad because like that was me last year… beginning my metaphorical “journey” with VSA HAHAHHA but now all these newbies are getting that experience and I’m just jealous I guess. I don’t want Phuc and Selina especially to love their new team more than they loved ours ☹ Just jealous things I guess XD

Also I feel like I’m a super guarded person so its hard to get to know me and idk I just don’t like having to go through this process again with State VSA. 

Sooooo how was State today??? I’ve been getting lowkey pissed at some people because I don’t get enough like direction with State but at the same time when I take initiative to do things, the execs always have to check it before it goes up. I guess that’s just how the VSA hierarchy works but it’s annoying having to double check everything and them taking ages to reply to me. 

Anyway, I had a semi private meeting with the execs about it and I felt like I was about to cry because I was voicing my concerns and they were all looking at me like r u ok. I think they all understand where I’m coming from but at the same time I don’t want to be that person on the team that’s hard to work with because I might be asking for too much? Idk. Also getting triggered because Tommy refused to move onto Slack because he doesn’t see the value in it but at the same time he doesn’t put in the effort to try and won’t listen to anyone else’s opinion on it. After seeing how efficiently WIESoc work as a team… management in VSA is triggering me. I guess it’s supposed to be more fun though so eh. Tommy, Carmen and Amy are a clique, Precious is getting triggered because of that and Christine is just clueless. UGH I don’t like it. 

Smh

I’m so happy that Jo is in state though because I think I would actually die by myself. Met more people today and like idk it was nice and wholesome. Rika is half jap and half Chinese and a super sheltered 2nd year who has tasted alcohol a grand total of 3 times. She’s sooooooooo innocent but could sense like the nervous vibes off her because she was the only complete VSA newbie. She kept trying to fill up our cups. UMMMM sat on a table with Aivi, Carmen, Dani, Veronica, Rika and Joanne and they weren’t rowdy so like there were lots of lapses in conversation. Aivi is cool though she said “I didn’t know you were so savage” and I was thinking I’m only insulting everyone because I’m nervous. Carmen reminds me of Lucy!! She’s a mum and thinks she’s too tired and old for VSA. Veronica is also super chill like shes very talkative and confident. Joanne HATES ME.

Do you ever wish that there was like a file for your personality that anyone could just download and they would KNOW you. Skip that small talk bs it’s so tiring trying to get people to understand you. Fuck sound so fucking angsty “no one understands me”. 

You know you’re a negative Nancy when you get pissed at people giggling on the train. Omfg honestly shut the fuck up.

So yeah, we had our meeting at UTS (where I left my phone behind and Joyce kindly walked all the way from Central to collect it for me), ate at Jumak then went to Maccas for dessert. OMW home now because I’m ceebs for socialisation and have so much work to do. Not particularly happy nor sad atm idk such weird mood.

Other Things

Dalena drove me to school today!!! Feels bad because I can sense her doubting her engineering degree and we talked about it a bit and idk its just such a struggle staying at uni for so long whilst everyone around you is moving on with their lives. We rocked out to old school Taylor though and it was 10/10 bonding. She legit knows all the words to the album Fearless and I was so shooooook cus she didn’t seem like a Swifty. Shared a moment singing Our Song HAHAHHAA

Got to uni after almost 1 hr and 45 mins, walked to lib because Dalena had her IMP interview there and I was meeting Niina. Sarah was there too!! I read up on my pre-lab for ELEC, did a bit of anatomy and just died inside realising how screwed I was for my entire life. 

Went to ELEC lab with Stephen where we fucking SMASHED IT like we knew what we were doing (kinda) and got 5/5 even though we couldn’t really answer the demonstrator’s questions. For once we were helping other people instead of us crawling to them for answers. IT WAS FUN!! Plus the new elec labs have new shiny equipment.

Had a one hour break where I got a sausage sizzle and studied for my PHSL lab. Even PSHL lab was fun today! I love my group HAHHAA they are all so intelligent and everyone seems to know something that no one else knows. And we full discuss all our answers and ugh I JUST LOVE HAVING GROUPS WITH NO FUCKING FOBS.

Finished uni for the day, went to MCIC with Niina for Pitch Fair. I had to leave after 20 minutes but it was fun bantering with Niina and Angela and idk just felt very loved YENNO. 

Now I have no phone, a half filled heart and not keen for IMP interviews tomorrow. SIGH.