harold....

Mamihlapinatapai - "a look shared by two people, each wishing that the other would initiate something that they both desire but which neither wants to begin"

Thursday

OK I SWEAR I am already on the bad side of my whole PR team like I keep flaking and showing up late (cus of work) and sometimes not handing things in on time. That part is entirely my fault. 

I am at Hurstville station right now waiting to get picked up. So here's a shit panorama.

Amy is waxing Stephen's armpit right now and there is blood and his armpit is so red.

My mood is always so down these days because of tutoring? It has begun. I literally think I am borderline sociopathic because of the extent that I analyse people's emotions whilst talking to them. But I am neither charming nor have a grandiose self image so maybe not. 

Friday

What a day omfg I woke up at Amy's a lil stressed because I had so many reports to write (update I'm still stressed). She drove Stephen and I to Lidcombe and we had a nice lunch and bingsoo for dessert. Then we went to a Korean grocery store to buy ingredients for a hotpot dinner. They both had never seen tofu in a tube before?? Maybe she's born with it maybe its a chinese thing

Amy drove me home and I stayed for a few hours marking and finishing Year 8 reports. Then I drove to Cabra to drop off their books and exams. Turns out my boss didn't know he was taking over the Year 8 classes today until I handed him the books. He was so confused lmao like why are you giving these to me. Then drove back to Hursy to help make a yummo hot pot dinner and tutor Kevin who had a headache. 

Stayed until 11 lying on the couch / watching them make felt plushies. They are making a surprise one for me but I don't know what its going to be. I wanted them to make a certain thing but they aren't going in that direction... Then drove to Green Valley to drop off some tutoring supplies RIP its actually in the middle of nowhere then went back home. TOO MUCH FUCKING DRIVING TODAY I felt so depressed for some reason driving at 12 am on the highway by myself. There is too much silence even with the radio on and you're alone with your thoughts which is just ugh.

Victoria H's instagram is so good this is the best caption-picture pairing I have ever seen (just very sad)

HAHAHAHHAAH OMFG my cousin just called me like "come outside and get ur sister" and I go out and its 2am and shes vomiting out the side of a car in the middle of the townhouse. tragic runs in the fam she just shuffled into her room and closed the door and I'm trying to justify to my parents why she didn't say hi to them when she walked in. I was like "oh she's just really tired" lmao fucking worst excuse ever.

Ok time is ticking and I'm still not marking......... why? I don't really know. I don't know the plan for tomorrow either its going to be so hectic.

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MOVIE STUFF

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Ain't Them Bodies Saints (again)

Dir. David Lowery

Time for ATBS round two! I FUCKING LOVE THIS MOVIE SO MUCH IT IS LIKE A DREAM WATCHING IT I DON'T EVEN KNOW HOW TO DESCRIBE. I'm watching this alone and sometimes I'm literally throwing my hands up in the air because of how beautiful it is.

I dreamed about you again last night. I guess I dream about you every night. And most days, too. I hold your face in my mind. I put your voice together in my head. I think about your hair getting longer, I think about your belly getting bigger. I hear people talk about regret, but I haven't got any. I don't think poorly on the things that I have done. We did what we did and that is who we are. They're going to cross out this sentence before you get to read it, but I know you know what it says. Every day I wake up thinking today's the day I'm going to see you. And one of those days it will be so, and until then I'll keep writing you. I'll write you every day. And someday you'll get a letter from me and you'll look up and it'll be me who's handing it to you. And then we can forget about words and I'll touch your face and I'll kiss you.

I have no feels left to give they have all be used up on this amazing movie. ugh this aesthetic. I'm fine. I'm really fucking fine. Every frame is instagram worthy. Score is so beautiful. Acting is on point. Cinematography is mindblowing. Everything is so lyrical AND UGH I cannot get enough of this. THE SUN FLARES THOUGH who knew the fucking Texan desert could look so beautiful gorgeous stunning all the superlatives 

WATCH AIN'T THEM BODIES SAINTS AND LET ME KNOW WHAT YOU THINK ABOUT IT PLEASE I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT

My heart hurts thinking about this movie. Someone take me to Texas. If anyone understands what the title of this post means can I please be your friend. Ok I really need to get started with marking.... 9 am me tomorrow is going to be like "what the fuck were you thinking" to 3 am me.

Sososososososososososososososososososososososoososososososososososososo beautiful

I actually want to cry sometimes because of the beauty. 

ok im crying now goodbye I'm overwhelmed I just got really emotional thinking about what my life would've been like if I'd never decided to watch that movie can someone just slap me across the face because there are real issues in the world